


Who Cares Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You

by Pepsi (Pepsiiii)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 'I do', Cheating, HQWW, HaikyuuWeddingWeek, M/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23943154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pepsiiii/pseuds/Pepsi
Summary: It took all of 20 seconds for Kei to grasp what went wrong.It was Kageyama.It’s always Kageyama.Why didn’t Kei notice something? Why didn’t he know that obviously, they weren’t going to last? The clues were all there from the beginning. Kei was the one who missed them. He deserved to be alone. In front of everyone.And he was.
Relationships: Haiba Lev & Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	Who Cares Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You

**Author's Note:**

> [Day 5: I Do's]
> 
> For my own week!! This is an excerpt of a fic I really wanna write but never had the time or motivation to do before... maybe if people like this I'll actually get back into it. I hope you enjoy this

There were children. Everywhere. 

They had somehow found themselves off the coast of wherever-the-hell right next to some rinky-dink, never been seen, family infested town. The street they had been cruising on seemed to never end, the black expanse of the road seemingly never-ending. The town surrounding them was in every way untouched by time and the surrounding shops and houses showed that perfectly. But that was fine. They had, throughout this hellishly long ride, seen all types of towns and villages. Each weird and very American in their own way. The only difference was they weren’t actively attending a party in those towns.

“Come on Tsukki! We’re just passing through! 20 minutes that’s all!”

Kei was gonna let his fist ‘pass through’ Lev after this.

20 Minutes his ass. 

The only thing that took 20 minutes was Lev finding whichever lonely housewife he let talk him into coming here to this, this—children’s birthday party, and letting her lead him to her ugly little SUV so they could fool around in the back. So now Kei was alone holding a shitily made coloring book, a pack of crayons, and a knock off barbie doll they quickly bought from the dollar store before driving over here. Doing his best not to seem like some kind of birthday party-crashing creep, Kei quickly drops the presents off onto (what is hopefully) the gift table. 

Children are running around him and the air smells of burnt meat and spilled soda. Children are screaming and laughing, parents are chatting and probably contemplating divorce, cars pass by quickly, the sky is clear and the day is warm. Kei walks away from the party and towards the gazebo hidden behind the somewhat average but still nice trees of the park. As Kei sat under the awning his mind, as it's done continuously for the past few days, began to wander. 

Well to say it wandered was a bit of an understatement. Kei’s mind waited. It waited silently and patiently for the moment Kei wasn’t talking, wasn’t moving, wasn’t doing anything that required even the tiniest hint of brainpower (Kei did not doubt that if his brain could shut down his internal organs to obtain absolute silence, it would). Unfortunately for Kei, he was born a naturally quiet man; he didn’t fill spaces with noise or movement, he didn’t breathe life into conversations by talking nor did he act as if he did. His mind knew that and that was Kei’s downfall. In these moments when Kei was still, when he was quiet, his brain picked up its newest box of thoughts—its favorite box, labeled ‘HINATA SHOUYOU’ and began digging and digging trying to recontextualize every single thing inside in the worst way possible. 

Sitting in the car as Lev drove silently? A comfortable silence as they both let themselves wake up (they start driving very early in the morning), the smell of coffee filling the car steadily and the only noises coming from their sipping and breathing and the smooth ‘rrrrrr’ of the tires riding down the dark empty morning road? The perfect time to think back to the time Shouyou and Kei walked hand in hand down the beach, sand between their toes because somehow they both forgot their flip-flops in their hotel room. Shouyou smiled at Kei and pulled him close. Kei felt himself smile and be led down before feeling his lips land on Shouyou’s. Then a phone rang and Shouyou pulled back for a moment before walking away. Kei happily waited with the taste of love on his tongue and the scent of salt in his nose. Happy.

_ “Who was it?” _

_ “Just Kageyama! Terrible timing as always huh?” _

Kei is in the shower just trying to letting himself relax and he sees their first nights living together. The boxes everywhere, bubble wrap littering the floors, counters, and tabletops being christened accordingly—everything was perfect. They invited everyone over after a few days. Kageyama came (of course he came, Kei wanted him to come) and he looked at Shouyou. They looked at each other. Kei looked at them. Then he looked away.

Why did Kei look away? 

He waits outside the gas station for Lev and he thinks about their wedding planning. The stress and the expensive booking of everything ever, the admittedly best part of the process- cake tasting, the shopping for his tuxedo and coming home every night being able to kiss the ring sitting happily on his finger whenever he wanted. Thinks about the mindblowing (somehow very different emotionally but ultimately no different) pre-married sex. He thinks about the day of the wedding. It was raining a bit that morning but it was the warm kind of rain, the kind that brought good luck and foretold a bright future of rainbows and love (the rain lied obviously and Kei should have known that). 

He thinks of holding Shouyou’s hands as they stared into each other’s eyes and said their vows. The tears gathering in his eyes, the sound of everyone watching sniffle and cry themselves surging him on. He remembers the officiate asking the obligatory ‘ _ Does anyone object to this holy matrimony?’  _

He remembers Kageyama standing up (from that point on his vision gets a little too blurry and his ears seem too stuffed to hear anything). 

He remembers Shouyou looking at Kageyama. Kei looking at them. 

He remembers watching Shouyou run down the aisle- away from Kei- into Kageyama’s arms. He sees their kiss, their flushed cheeks the sprint down the aisle away from the church, away from Kei. 

The feeling of all eyes watching Kei still burned, he remembered that clearly. 

It took all of 20 seconds for Kei to grasp what went wrong. 

It was Kageyama. 

It’s  _ always  _ Kageyama.

Why didn’t Kei notice something? Why didn’t he know that obviously, they weren’t going to last? The clues were all there from the beginning. Kei was the one who missed them. He deserved to be alone. In front of everyone. 

And he was. 

It was almost as if the world (Shouyou, Kageyama, everything, everyone) was saying ‘Hahaha! Congrats! You didn’t pay attention, now the show is over and you don’t even know what happened! No refunds! Also, your tuxedo looks shitty AND everyone here hates you!’

His thoughts get darker and mind grows colder and almost in an instant Kei feels himself fall back into the haze he had tried to run away from. It’s all coming back faster and faster—

And then it’s gone. Just like everything else that’s good in Kei’s life. 

In a moment of weakness (not to say that Kei wasn’t always weak- he was- but this was an especially weak moment) brought on by one beer, numb legs from a 3-hour car ride, a broken heart and a slice of sickly sweet birthday cake, Kei took out his phone and opened up Hinata’s Instagram. 

About a week after the wedding- or lack thereof- Kei broke his phone after throwing it off the roof of his apartment building. He doesn’t know exactly what set him off. ( He had been receiving nothing but ‘ _ I’m so sorry Tsukishima-kun’  _ messages for days- nothing else- and after Hinata’s mother and Kageyama’s sister tried to contact him he felt as if he was seeing red. He had recently picked up smoking in the span of a week and in a much-needed smoke break, decided to go on the roof and try to calm down. He stared at the clear perfect sky and felt smoke fill his lungs and for a moment thought about what he would do to see Hinata again. What he would say. After leaving him a week prior there was no note, no goodbye, no calls or text— just an empty apartment and a ring on the table. Kei thought about this and looked at his phone, then back at the sky, then his phone, then the sky then his hands, then he took his glasses off. Phone, sky, phone, sky, phone- and then he threw his phone off the roof. He regretted it about 3 days later because now he couldn’t play his dinosaur keeper game. Also, no Hinata. )

So now Kei had a new phone. The only numbers on this phone were Yamaguchi’s, Yachi’s, Kuroo’s, and Kei’s mother and brother. That’s all. 

When Kei went out to buy the new phone he had taken the smashed mess of parts that he used to call a mobile phone to the counter with him. When asked if he’d like any of his data transferred over Tsukishima stared at the wall behind the saleswomen’s head and thought about how he was jealous of that phone. It fell off that roof (lucky), it was smashed into pieces unexpectedly (Kei was too- a week prior), and now all the information inside it was going to be destroyed and forgotten. Wiped; never to be seen again. Gone.

Kei didn’t wipe the memory. Nor did he transfer it. The old SD card sits in a plastic baggy on his living room table. It’s been there for about 2 months now- Kei can’t remember. 

Anyway, so Kei picked up his phone as frosting crumbs covered his upper lip. He opened Instagram. 

He thought of, for just a moment, the day after the wedding (Kei hates that word. He hates it. There was no wedding. Or- at the very least- not one he knew about) how Kei was sitting in his bed- existing. At some point, Osamu and Koganegawa had broken into his apartment (Kei didn’t move for 2 days.) Osamu was in the kitchen cooking and putting away pre-prepped meals while Koganegawa lifted Kei out of his bed and laid him on the couch. The smell of something was in the air but it all smelt like burnt food to Kei. Osamu had commented on the barebones state of his fridge and Konanegawa, as he sat across from him, made a joke (an effort to lighten the mood supposedly).

“Ha- Tsukki! With as little food as you have in here, I’d think you were trying to starve yourself!”

“Never.” 

“Haha- yeah I know I’m just-”

“Dehydration is much faster. During this time of year, it only takes about 3 days.”

Kei remembers hearing a voice similar to his own say something akin to a ‘ _ kidding’  _ but he knows he didn’t think that. He didn’t believe it either. Kognanegawa began to fiddle with the plastic bag on the table and by that point, Kei had long since blacked out from the happenings within his house. Once again, Kei envied his phone.

So. The phone. Instagram. Hinata. Kei opened his phone. He downloaded Instagram. He signed in. Found Hinat’s account. 

The pictures of Kei and Hinata were all there except for one. The photo of Kei proposing was gone. The photo amidst all the others- the joking pictures, group pictures, beach views, cakes, and decorations. It was deliberate. Actually- no. All of Kei was gone. Any photo with him. Gone. 

Kei felt the wet beer on his leg before he knew his fingers had let go of the bottle. 

There was a new post. 

Kei stared at it. He clicked it.

It was loading.

Loading… Loading… Loading… 

It was- 

And before Kei could see a child ran past, bumping the phone out of Kei’s hands and breaking the trance. The feeling of wetness and a broken heart was nothing new but usually he wasn’t wet at the bottom. Usually, it was the top (eyes.) But now it was over. Kei smelt like beer and looked like one of the depressed parents he tended to avoid. Quaint.

Kei spent the next 2 hours sitting in the car, letting the heat and burning hot oxygen fry him from the inside. He had nothing but liquor, sugar, and ash in his system. He was at the mercy of the car. 

Lev came back before Kei could recreate the scene of the hotdogs being microwaved in tinfoil as he saw on the cooking channel once. Hinata had watched it with him and laughed as the dogs exploded. 

Lev had red lipstick stains on his cheek and 3 to-go plates in his hand. He quickly turned the AC on and passed Kei a water bottle. The droplets of water on the sides of the plastic felt like electricity on his skin. It probably should have hurt. 

“God I love PILFs. Yeah I know it's usually with a D or an M but I’m not picky so P for parents works perfectly- oh shit- I hope you weren’t in here long Tsukki! You could’ve died in his heat- christ. Anyway- ready to go?”

Kei was the type to look a man in the eyes and say he ruined Kei’s plan and god— he wanted to. (With every puff of air from the AC, the goal of suffocation grew farther and farther away. The drops of cool water on his skin washed away the blistering heat that sat on him like a thick layer of all-consuming acid- destroying him from the outside in. The only sense of peace he has, those moments as he teetered over the edge- so,  _ so  _ close to falling- ready to be thrown off just as his phone was, were few and far between now. Lev, though Kei didn’t know him for very long or very well, had a terrible habit of disturbing the peace. Bringing the noise and buzzing back into his head- reminding him of the hurt of  _ everything _ by doing nothing at all). 

But he didn’t. 

He just looked over at Lev and called him a slut. 

Lev laughed and with that, he started the car. 

**Author's Note:**

> HAHAHAHAHAH. I don't usually write angst because I don't enjoy how contrived or bait-y it can be. BUT every now and again I can join in the fun too...
> 
> you guys know the deal, comment your thoughts, praise me insistently, go on twitter and yell at me to be productive. It really means a lot when you do!
> 
> //Twt//@Burnttoastwbttr


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